Emotionally Intelligent Behavior Matters in School

Imagine a school where emotional intelligence isn’t a buzzword, but a daily practice. A place where the tough moments—blowups in staff meetings, parent confrontations, student meltdowns—aren’t swept under the rug. They are the work. In schools like this, relationships don’t break down under pressure; they get stronger.

Emotional intelligence has been on the educational scene for decades. We’ve introduced the concepts, offered training, and raised awareness. But learning alone isn’t enough. If we’re not living it—in classrooms, staff rooms, and leadership decisions—we’re falling short.

Through observation, research, and conversations with school leaders, we know what happens when emotionally intelligent behavior (EIB) is practiced, modeled, and embedded into the culture of schools: teachers stay, students thrive, and schools become places of true human connection. 

Acting with emotional intelligence means recognizing, understanding, and wisely managing emotions—our own and others’—in how we behave, relate, and make decisions. Simply learning the skills is not sufficient. You must practice them.

EIB is what happens when educators pay attention to and acknowledge emotion cues—such as sensing student confusion during a lesson and adjusting accordingly. It is observed when teachers harness emotions to inspire interest in a topic. It provides structure when staff work through a tense disagreement by first recognizing how each person feels, rather than jumping straight to whose idea is “right.” It is evident when school leaders start a meeting by asking staff to “check-in” about how things are going.

EIB is not about maintaining a happy work environment at all times. It’s about skillfully honoring the spectrum of emotions.

Individual potential for EIB includes two ingredients. The first is one’s EI ability, or their capacity to recognize, understand, label, express, and regulate emotions. The second is motivation, which gives individuals the drive to actually put those abilities into action. This distinction is crucial because simply being able to do something doesn’t guarantee it will be done.

The environment or school climate plays a pivotal role in whether one’s potential for EIB—both ability and motivation—is fully realized. An educator may feel motivated to use EI because it strengthens student relationships. But if their work environment doesn’t prioritize and reward EIB, their motivation likely will diminish. For example, educators who feel burnt out and unsupported may have the ability to empathize with a struggling student but lack the motivation to act on it because they believe their school values test scores over well-being.

Building true capacity for EIB starts with sustained, high-quality professional development—not one-off workshops. Ongoing, structured sessions, including coaching and ongoing mentorship, give educators the space to deepen self-awareness and social awareness and practice staying grounded amid daily challenges. And this work shouldn’t be limited to teachers—school leaders must be in the room, modeling the commitment, not delegating it.

Three key factors determine a school’s success in cultivating EIB.

First, leadership matters. The way principals and administrators handle emotions sets the climate. Whether it's checking in with individual staff, expressing appreciation, or recognizing and empathizing with others during difficult moments, these day-to-day interactions send a powerful message about the school’s values. When leaders consistently exhibit supportive behavior, they implicitly give others permission to do the same. They signal that making time to honor and model EIB is not only accepted but encouraged. In doing so, they become role models for all staff.

Principals and administrators can set this example by expressing genuine curiosity when issues arise and making time to really listen. Publicly valuing emotions means little without consistent follow-through in policies and daily actions.

Second, team dynamics matter. Team climate can either nourish or stifle EI. Teams with high EI have shared expectations and norms about how emotions are expressed and managed. Members don’t have to suppress certain emotions and “fake it to make it.” Instead, a wide range of emotions is seen as natural and useful for learning, problem-solving, and collaboration. These teams know that how people feel affects how they think and work together, so they make space for emotions in healthy, constructive ways, all while boosting team efficacy.

This starts with giving emotions a legitimate place in meetings and conversations through shared norms and expectations. It can look like small but meaningful practices, such as asking “How is everyone feeling?” to kick off meetings (and then listening!), or checking in after tough decisions with, “How did that land for you?” These moments signal that EI is always on the agenda. It’s equally important to provide support for healthy conflict resolution, so disagreements become growth opportunities instead of simmering resentments.

Third, culture and climate matter. This refers to values or principles that guide what behavior is accepted and rewarded, as well as explicit practices and observable actions throughout the organization that influence individual behavior. Policies, mission statements, compensation and rewards, professional development, and evaluations can all highlight the importance of EI.  Deploying these tools effectively can make educators more (or less) motivated to use their emotion skills.

When entire schools or districts weave EI skills into their values and organizational practices, it sends a strong message that these qualities are central to fostering a solid education. Hiring practices also can include questions about handling emotionally charged moments and letting candidates know from the start that emotions matter.

Chances are, many of you are already modeling EIB in your classrooms and meetings. But even for those doing the work, the reminder matters: EI isn’t a box to check—it’s a lifelong practice, and mastery takes time.

It takes sustained, intentional effort to weave EIB into the fabric of daily school life. But the payoff is real: deeper safety, stronger self-awareness, and more authentic relationships that make school a place where everyone, adults and kids alike, can thrive.

If we want an education system that truly prepares young people for a complex and uncertain world, we have to start with the emotional lives of the people inside it.